Death of a Straw Hat
by diabolikal rapture
Summary: Grissom stumbles upon a gruesome crime scene and has to interpret the evidence to uncover the murderer of the beloved victim.
1. Part One

**Title:** Death of a Straw Hat

**Author:** Diabolikal Rapture / Britt

**Summary: **Grissom stumbles upon a gruesome crime scene and has to interpret the evidence to uncover the murderer of the beloved victim.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own CSI, or GSR, or Grissom's "wicked cool" hat. But I do own the right to murder said hat over and over and over and over and over and I think you get my point.

**A/N:** Haven't had time at all lately. Lost all the stuff I've been trying to work on, so most of my ideas are either gone or barely there in my mind. Watching some earlier season 6, had some creative bursts as well as some crazyness, and thought up this idea. It's not supposed to be anything serious, as you can tell by the title and summary, just a little fun, hopefully it's humorous in some way and not completely lame. Excuse any uncharacter-like behavior, esp. Griss. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks I can get some more fics going. One day I'll learn how to write a proper summary. Anyhoo, as always let me know what y'all think.** / Britt**

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**Death of a Straw Hat**

_Part One : The Usual Suspects_**

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Grissom stared down at the documents he gripped in his hands as he made his way through the corridors with ease. He didn't even need to look up to know his way around the maze of the Las Vegas lab. He turned into his office and headed straight to his desk where an inevitable pile of even more paperwork would be there awaiting his attention. He leant back in his chair as he set the documents down and turned his chair to face the work before him.

He reached for the folder on top of the pile, but something to the left of the pile caught his eye. He frowned as he moved his chair closer, and closer once more. He adjusted his glasses, and peered down at the sight before him. He breathed in quickly, the shock of what he saw hit him hard. A lump formed in his throat, it became a little harder or him to breathe.

There, on top of the small cabinet beside his desk it lay…limp. He suddenly realized that his office was no longer just an office, but a crime scene. Someone had been in there, someone may have stood in this very spot, and committed this…He couldn't bring himself to think of it. Anger welled in him as he grabbed a pair of tweezers from his desk and gently lifted his beloved straw hat. The very same straw hat that had been to countless crime scenes, had protected him from the harsh Nevada sun, and had been the object of ridicule for the past few months.

He almost growled as he made another realization. The same people who ridiculed this poor straw hat could be that pitiful person who committed this crime, this _murder_. He gently laid the hat back down in its original position. He was careful, creating the most minimal disturbance as he laid it to rest. He stared at it for a while, not entirely sure of why he couldn't bare to look away. He needed to find out who did this. He needed to know, and he at least owed it to his loyal hat. Under its protection he was never sun burnt. It had performed its job, now it was his turn to perform his.

He gripped the wheel of crime scene tape as he sealed the entrance to the crime scene. Lab workers cast him quizzical glances as they passed, but he ignored them. Before he processed the scene he needed to search for a confession. If the offender didn't come clean straight away, things would only get a lot worse for them with every minute that ticked by. He angrily stormed down the corridor. No one messed with Grissom, and no one messed with his straw hat.

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"You're wondering why I'm standing here, and why you haven't been issues assignments yet. A heinous crime has been committed, right under the roof of this lab. What we all thought could never happen, has happened, and it might cause us all to re-think how safe we all are."

The CSI's were concerned. They hadn't seen any taped off areas, any signs of anything other than normal, every day work. They waited for him to continue. He glanced at them all, each seemed equally concerned. Either all of them were, and so cleared themselves as being the culprit, or one of them was as good an actor as an investigator. He gathered his thoughts and continued.

"Sometime in the past 8-10 hours, someone entered by office in this very lab. This same person, whoever _they_ are, committed the worst kind of crime...they killed." Before they could ask him any questions he continued on, "the victim was known by all of us, but was held dearest to me. My straw hat, the very hat I often wear to crime scenes outdoors, was viciously attacked, and as a result, sadly, my hat didn't make it."

They all stared at him, their mouths open, all shocked and a little confused by what he had just said.

"I'm sorry - what?" She asked, her face wrinkling as she ran his sentence through her mind once more. She wasn't sure she'd just heard what she thought she had.

"Somebody, _someone_ in this lab, maybe even in this very room right now..." he said as he quickly scanned the room, making eye contact with each of his co-workers, each struggling to maintain their composure,"...committed a crime which involved the destruction of my straw hat!"

"Your straw hat..."Sara said, trying to clarify the situation. Her concern quickly melted away. She desperately held back her trademark grin. This was just too much to bear.

"Yes, my straw hat." Grissom repeated, his features held stern, he was completely serious.

Nick covered his mouth and coughed, his first lame attempt at keeping himself from bursting into laughter. He glanced over at Warrick who had decided to stare across the room. Looking at any of his co-workers would lead to the kind of laughter that made you double over in pain. Greg sat beside him, picturing the 'heinous crime' play out within Grissom's office.

_A dark silhouette carefully opened Grissom's office door, closing it gently behind them as they stayed within the shadows. They slowly moved along the walls, making their way towards the desk, the natural home of the straw hat victim. Greg imagined the theme from Jaws, the music heard as the shark approached its victims...slowly the music gained momentum as the silhouette snuck up on the unsuspecting victim. Suddenly a large butcher's knife appeared from beneath the intruder's trench coat, the blade shining in the moonlight which cascaded in from the inexistent windows...the music climaxed as the blade was withdrawn high into the air and then plunged into the straw hat. Blood spattered across the documents on Grissom's desk as the victim let out a deafening scream before falling silent. All that remained was the bloodied corpse, the blood-stained yellow, cold, lifeless...**dead.**_

Greg let out a short burst of laughter which faded into a giggle, and then silence as he received a glare from Grissom.

"Do you find something about this funny Greg? This isn't a laughing matter. I'd appreciate it if you'd take this as seriously as I am." Grissom said. Greg's outburst put him at the top of Grissom's suspect list.

Catherine smirked at the scene that was playing out, unable to hide her amusement with the situation. Finally someone had put that crime of fashion where it belonged. She mused. Grissom didn't see that hat as a crime of fashion; he didn't have a single thread of fashion sense in his scientific body. The only thing he saw was the 'crime' committed against that stupid straw hat. She shook her head. This was ridiculous. She had a previous case to work on.

"If you're finished, Grissom, I'm going to get back to work, the kind of work that involves _real_ victims, not pieces of woven straw." With that, she spun on the balls of her heels and hightailed her way out of the break room. Her colleagues could deal with Grissom's latest oddity; she had better things to do.

"Ooooooh," Warrick murmured as he watched her leave. He wished he had the balls to do the same, but he didn't want to draw Grissom's attention. The sooner this crap was dealt with, the better. He began to wonder if this would all end with Grissom being wheeled away into the back of a van, tightly wrapped in a straitjacket and strapped to a chair. He felt the urge to bet Nick that that would happen, but he'd wait until after this meeting had finished before any bets were suggested.

Grissom silently added Catherine to the top of his suspect list below Greg.

Nick really had no clue what was going on. Grissom had cracked. He'd often heard that the best way to deal with a situation such as this was to play along, and that's exactly what he was going to do. He cleared his throat before he spoke.

"Umm, so do you need a hand processing the scene? Bagging evidence, dusting for prints..." He trailed off.

Grissom began to open his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Sara.

"Yeah, and while you're doing that, Warrick and I can collect the hat's DNA and run a background check, try to find any other kind of hat, maybe a sombrero, that could've held a grudge against your straw hat." She couldn't help but grin now. She was certain this was all some kind of joke.

Grissom didn't look impressed. Another suspect was added to the mental list. Warrick let out a laugh.

"Grissom, you're playing with us aren't you? There's no way you're being serious…How can your hat be murdered? It was never alive in the first place!" He let out, he was still in disbelief that his boss, a man that he greatly respected, had stooped down to this level.

Grissom frowned. Yet another suspect added to his list.

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Grissom cleared a workspace for himself at Greg's desk and began to write down everything, every little negative comment ever made about his straw hat that he could remember, in the hopes of trying to slim down the suspects list. He pictured each of his workers, each of them threatening the straw hat with a different weapon in a different situation...

_The darkness within the office lifted, revealing Greg and the straw hat. He held the hat away from his body, gripping it by the rim as he dangled it carelessly above a cigarette lighter. He chuckled as he lit the hat on fire and the orange glow flickered against the surroundings._

Grissom frowned. That wasn't it. That wasn't the method anyway. He thought of the next suspect he had lined up.

_Catherine snuck into the office and switched on the light, cornering the straw hat as she raised the gun she gripped in her hands. She fired. Three bullets met the hat, leaving three round smoking circles in its exterior, the echo of the shots and Catherine's murderous laughter sounded around the lab..._

No, that wasn't right either. He thought of the next suspect, the second last to enter his list before the meeting had ended.

_Sara kicked open the door, her hands full as she held onto two beakers full of strong acid. She quickly crossed the room, closing the space between her and her victim in seconds. She grinned as she began to tip the beakers, pouring acid down onto straw hat. First it smoked, and then it burned. Tiny holes became larger as the acid ate away at the poor hats exterior, leaving nothing but a hat which resembled Swiss cheese. _

He scowled at himself.

_Warrick stretched out a piece of packing tape as he entered the office, finding the straw hat asleep at Grissom's desk. He caught it by surprise, covering its mouth with the first piece of tape before taping the hat to the desk chair. He smiled a sinister smile as he rolled the hat into the corridors and towards the fire exit. The door opened, the straw hat struggled, but it couldn't escape. He pushed the chair down the staircase, the chair rolling its way down the first few stairs before toppling and bouncing down to the bottom..._

And then Nick….well he escaped his suspicions for now. He was the only one who wanted to help, and that had to count for something. Grissom sighed as he felt a migraine develop at his temples. He wasn't good with hypothetical situations. He could only rule out the methods used, not the suspects. What he needed was evidence, and that would point him in the direction of the killer. Once he knew how it was done, he could narrow down who it was done by, and why it had been done at all. That's what was troubling him most of all. He headed back to the scene for processing. With him on the case this murder would be solved in no time at all.

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Who did it? Who murdered Grissom's poor, defenseless, and equally tasteless straw hat?

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So, it's probably me who should be wheeled away in a straitjacket and taking to the crazy house. It's pretty whacked, I know it is, y'all can tell me that it is, I don't mind. Excuse typo's, comp's doing that thing where it gets rid of spaces in between words, also, I'm half asleep, so please forgive grammatical errors. It ended up longer than I intended for it to be. If there is any kind of interest this will probably go for another two shorter parts, so please review. 


	2. Part Two

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**Death of a Straw Hat**

_Part Two : Search for a hat killer_

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Grissom wiped his brow as he readied himself for the formidable task he would soon undertake. Sure he'd investigated crime scene upon crime scene, every kind of possible crime committed in every possible way...but never in his career had a case affected him like this. Never before had he stood before a victim, a victim he'd known, perhaps even loved, for quite some time. It had never been _this_ hard. He raised the camera as he took yet another photo, covering every possible angle, every possible pathway the killer could have taken.

The flash lit up the room time and time again as Grissom made sure he'd covered the office as thoroughly as possible before he would begin analyzing the crime scene. He set the camera down beside his kit and began dusting for prints. By the time he was done most almost 99 of the work surfaces in his office were covered in dust. Prints were scattered everywhere. Most of these would be his, of course, but the others could easily have just been placed anyone who had business in his office. What he needed was the murder weapon.

He moved a sample of straw to the microscope set up on the opposite side of the office. He examined the cut. He moved back to the hat, trying to picture the weapon used to inflict the fatal injuries. He ruled out some obvious lab equipment. It wasn't a scalpel, and it couldn't have been a saw. The cuts were made with a sharp implement, but each cut wasn't precisely identical, leading to the idea of an object with more than one constituent...scissors. Grissom needed a second opinion.

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"Can one of you please tell me that the call that brought me here was some kind of set up." Jim Brass said as he entered the break room. He was more than just a little annoyed with one Gilbert Grissom. Being called in to investigate a 'crime' such as this, it had to be a joke.

"He's crazy in the coconut." Greg added.

"Greg..."

"Hey, you know it's true. What is he gonna do? Figure out the hat's C.O.D? Maybe he can figure that out by the amount of straw lost."

"Nah man, he'll find a witness. One of those bugs in there must have seen it go down. He can interrogate them, threaten them with insecticide 'till one of them cracks."

Warrick and Greg laughed at the situation once more. It really was the only thing they could do. Nick couldn't help but let out a chuckle before considering the situation seriously.

"We can't do anything, we just have to sit back and let him investigate it. Who knows how far he's going to take this." Nick said as he leant against the table.

"The way I see it the smartest thing to do is play along. The sooner this 'case' is solved, the faster I get back to the usual crimes of Vegas." Brass sighed. He really didn't need to be opposing Grissom. He just wanted to get this done, get it solved, and get out. He left the break room, readying himself for the scene that awaited him. He wondered...exactly what would happen once they found the perp? What exactly was the penalty for the killing of a hat? Only one way to find out...

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Robbins cleared a workspace as we waited for Grissom to arrive with his 'body'. His previous conversation with Catherine had informed him of all that he needed to know. He wondered about the sanity of his colleague, though he'd long since learned that Grissom was one person should never really doubt. He remembered Catherine's remark, questioning the doctor about the shape of a hat's body bag. The sound of approaching footsteps ensured him that he'd soon have the answer to this question.

He watched Grissom approach, carefully balancing two bags in his hands. He appeared to be so careful with the items in his possession, Robbins almost felt as though Grissom was carrying the body of a beloved childhood pet...but the reality was far from it. He remained silent as the 'body bag' was placed in front of him along with an evidence bag containing a small sample of straw. Why Grissom hadn't taken this to anyone else at first was a mystery, but he soon realized that they were all considered suspects. He on the other hand, was not.

Grissom carefully unzipped the self-made body bag, removing the straw hat and placing it on the cold steel surface.

"I need your opinion."

"Well, the anatomy of hats really isn't my area of expertise. But I'll see what I can do." He said as he adjusted his glasses, realizing that he had to tread as carefully as possible.

"The murder weapon. Every weapon has its own signature, I want to know what you think did this." Grissom said. Robbins noted the level of emotion in his voice. He'd never heard it before, at least not at that degree. The poor man really did have an attachment to this hat.

"Well," he began as he studied the hat. He quickly noted down his observations mentally before coming to a fast conclusion. "Scissors. But they're sharp, possibly dissecting scissors from any standard dissecting kit." Robbins could do nothing more for Grissom now, although he really hadn't done much at all. Dissecting scissors in a crime lab…they wouldn't exactly be a scarce item.

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"So what do we know?" Brass asked, hating that for one he wasn't the one with the initial details. He didn't know anything about this case, if you could call it that.

"The murder weapon was a pair of dissecting scissors." Grissom said, knowing exactly how weak this case was at this point in time.

Brass noted Grissom's use of the term 'murder weapon' before he frowned. They had hit a wall. They needed help. They needed fresh eyes, probably someone who didn't have such an emotional attachment to that damn hat. They needed another investigator's perspective, and they needed it now.

"Look Grissom why don't you get one of your..."

"No."

"Not even...?" Brass tried again.

"No. No one can be trusted. Any one of them could have done this, and if given the chance any one of them could cover their tracks, and I'm not going to give them that opportunity." Grissom said sternly.

Brass was confused. If any one of the CSI's, or lab techs working in the crime lab for that matter would have already covered their tracks the best way they knew how. They, of all people would have the greatest idea on how to commit the 'perfect' crime, if such a thing existed. He sighed inwardly. No one really held a solid grudge against Grissom...the hat on the other hand...that was a different matter. This really wasn't going anywhere. There wasn't any DNA, no substantial fingerprints that couldn't otherwise be explained, and no unusual fibers. All they had was a weapon, and that was it. But wait...

"Surveillance." Brass said, speaking his thoughts aloud. "There's a camera at the end of the corridor, if it faces in this direction, anyone entering or leaving this office would be recorded, wouldn't they?"

Grissom didn't even need to give him a response. He swiftly moved from his office and towards security. Why the hell hadn't he thought of that earlier?

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Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you're enjoying this. I know this chapter was a little slow and a little dry, but I'm hoping the next and final chapter will be a lot better. As always, lemme know what y'all thought of this chapter, reviews really are appreciated. / **Britt**


	3. Part Three

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**Death of a Straw Hat**

_Part Three : ...the vicious, murderous, brutal hat killer!_

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Grissom sat at the desk once more, the desk he'd confined himself to until the case had been solved. Everything about the case lay spread out before him with the hope that having each item in its own space would allow for the evidence to speak to him, to tell him the story, and inevitably close the case. But the evidence before him had been exhausted. It had led them nowhere, and now he could only wait for the file to be sent to him. Once the security footage was in his possession, then he would know...that is, if they weren't wearing a mask or hadn't somehow erased the footage already. He sighed, he hated his thought processes. They always managed to bring him down. 

Grissom resisted the urge to pace across the room as he waited. It took every inch of his mind to keep him seated, to keep him still and focused on that computer screen. The only thing that kept him sane was the thought of justice. The identity of the killer would free his mind and finally let the hat rest in total peace knowing that justice had been served. Any minute now it would all be over...

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Brass jotted down some final notes onto his pad of paper as he finished asking the set of questions Grissom had given him. Each of the main suspects had already been questioned, mostly concerning alibi's and proof of their whereabouts during the time of death. All had put up with him and answered the questions, and for that he was thankful. He checked over all that he'd written down. Everyone had an alibi that checked out...He snorted. He couldn't believe he actually had to verify their whereabouts. Brass knew how pointless this all was. The only answer would come from the footage, not stupid questions about an alibi during an inanimate object's time of death. Hopefully by the time he returned to Grissom's office it would all be over.

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"Where were you on the night of the victim's death?" Catherine asked Sara, imitating Brass the best she could. "Can you believe it?"

"I don't know how he could keep a straight face. Verifying our whereabouts, what the hell is that?" Sara replied. Sure she'd been questioned before, but that had to be the most hilarious situation she'd found herself in. She still hadn't managed to get over the fact that it was just a stupid, and incredibly unfashionable hat.

"I don't get why Brass is bothering at all...the man hated the hat as much as all of us. For all we know he's the one who did it." Nick offered.

"So what, first you suck up to Grissom and now you're pointing fingers?" Sara raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"Hey, I'm just trying to figure this out is all." He put up his hands in his defense.

"I really don't care who did this, but whoever did should get some kind of medal."

"They had the balls to cross Grissom." Warrick added.

"What, like it's hard to cut up a stupid hat?" Greg asked. "I would've, I just never thought about it, at least not seriously."

"I wonder if Grissom knew that he looked like a hillbilly..." Sara trailed off as she pictured Grissom in that hat once more, suddenly missing the idea of never seeing it on top of his head ever again. Now what were they going to poke fun at?

"Farmer Grissom. Y'know, a guy like him, you'd think of all the hats he'd wear he'd have a little more class than that." Catherine mused.

"What, like a top hat?" Sara asked, now finding herself with the image of Grissom in a full tuxedo and top hat, bend down over a body in the middle of the desert.

"Haha yeah. I could see that." Nick chuckled. He was glad he'd chosen to stick with the baseball cap and not a Stetson from back home. You could never go wrong with a baseball cap.

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Grissom stared at the screen. The video file was now open, ready to reveal to him the identity of the killer just as soon as he would hit play. He couldn't bring himself to do it. He could lift his finger to click the mouse, he just stared at the screen. He was preparing himself, not only because of the victim's closeness to himself, but the idea that the person who'd taken that from him could be someone just as close. That idea frightened him more than anything.

He turned his attention away from the screen and focused on the darkness within the office. He'd dimmed down the room as much as possible. Nothing but the computer screen lit up the room with a soft glow, allowing him to picture the scene before him. He saw the culprit enter the room, closing the door behind themselves before crossing the room and pausing in front of spot where the straw hat had once resided. He stared at the figure, unable to make out the face. Grissom sighed. It was time to give the figure a face, and time to face what he'd been avoiding.

He looked back at the screen, the brightness blinding him temporarily. "It's time to meet you…" he thought as he hovered the arrow over play, making sure that he really was ready for this. He drew in a deep breath before hitting play. The timer on the footage began to count the seconds as the corridors remained empty. Grissom's heart sank as the seconds began to build up, now just passing 24…the suspense was killing him. He was ready to begin fast forwarding the footage when movement suddenly filled the screen. In the distance, at the other end of the corridor a figure approached….a man…

He watched as the man walked slowly down the corridor towards his office. Grissom glared at the figure. He was so calm, so collected, like he didn't have a worry in the world. The man's face came in to view, but was clouded in shadow. _"Look up….look up…" _Grissom urged as the man stopped outside his office door, and looked directly up at the camera. Grissom's heart pounded in his ears. His eyes went wide with shock at the sight before him. He hit pause and stared at the image of himself looking up at the camera. He shook his head, he didn't understand… _"How could I…?"_

The pounding in his ears made it hard for him to think. He hit play once more and watched himself pull something from his pocket…the scissors…and enter his own office. He continued to stare on in utter confusion as the footage played on repeat, over and over again he saw himself enter his own office and close the door behind him. Over and over he focused on the dissecting scissors that he had carried in his hands. He frowned and tried to search his mind for the answers. He didn't know why, but he looked down to his right at the top drawer. He dropped the scissors, the metal clattering to the floor as the footage continued to play on repeat. He'd done this. He'd been the cause of it all...he shuddered to think..._Gil Grissom...the vicious, murderous, brutal hat killer!_

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So, that's it. In my head it was different but what can ya do? Let me know what y'all thought. It's weird, I know. I spent a while thinking about who would've killed the hat, I know most fans would've like to kill the hat but all of us wouldn't have been able to fit inside the office. Can anyone tell that I'd just watched Hide & Seek before writing this part? Heh. I was going to have him going to therapy to figure out his motivations behind the butchering of the hat, but I'll leave his motivations for y'all to decide. Thanks for reading and reviewing, makes it all worth it. That, and the satisfaction of the dead straw hat. Thanks again. / **Britt**


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